The year 2012 is drawing to a close and, for many recession-wracked American women, it feels like just another mile marker in an endurance race going nowhere. Depressing, but true. We trudge through the week at a dreary job, drive home fretting about money, and spend our evenings robot-walking through the usual haze of homework battles and half-finished chores. Passion and fulfillment? Nope, just sheer survival. And the worst part is, most of us have meekly accepted that this is how it has to be right now.
Vickie Milazzo has a message for all us “endurers”: Buck up, girlfriend! You can do a lot more than (barely) get by—and 2013 can be the year you actually start living your life again.
“I’m not talking about the kind of new year’s resolution that’s just wishful thinking pasted on top of your old lifestyle,” asserts Milazzo, author of the New York Times bestseller, Wicked Success Is Inside Every Woman (Wiley, 2011, ISBN: 978-1-1181-0052-3, $21.95, WickedSuccess.com). “I’m talking about truly changing the way you think about things, breaking old habits, putting some real boundaries in place and tapping into your determination.
“I’m talking about taking responsibility for your own happiness,” she adds. “Don’t you think if someone was going to swoop in and rescue you it would already have happened?”
Milazzo has earned the right to be a tough talker. In 1982 she faced the reality that she was unhappy with the direction her life had taken. She was a registered nurse with a bachelor’s and master’s degree. But after six short years of hospital experience, Vickie felt like she was in a dead-end job. She still wanted to be a nurse, but on her own terms. Today she is the founder and CEO of a multi-million dollar legal nurse consulting education company
“It is possible to create a life that excites and energizes you,” she says. “But first you have to make a conscious choice to step out of your old, unfulfilling one. And it’s a choice you have to make over and over again—if you don’t your old patterns will suck you back in.”
To achieve what Milazzo calls “Wicked Success” you have to cultivate a new, wickedly resourceful mindset. She offers nine strategies that can help you do exactly that in 2013:
Break the feel-good addiction. Remember, where you focus is where you’ll yield results. And because we like to feel good, we gravitate toward what’s easy instead of what’s productive. We major in minor accomplishments, wasting time surfing the Internet, watching TV, hanging out on Facebook, trying to beat our high score on Angry Birds.
“Here’s a news flash: There’s no real life prize for being great at Angry Birds,” says Milazzo.
“It’s time to let go of time-sucking distractions. The more superficial things you engage in the more superficial your life and accomplishments will be. So the next time you have a break at work or the next time all the kids are out of the house, instead of checking your email, Facebook or texts, use the time to take a step toward achieving one of your goals.”
Stop being the Chief Everything Officer—don’t say “Yes” by default. It’s a hard lesson to learn but in order to be wickedly successful, you have to understand that by saying “no” to some things you will have the time and energy to say “yes” to the right things. If you’re feeling overwhelmed and pulled in every direction you won’t be able to lead yourself, much less anyone else.
“Stop committing your energy to every person or situation that demands it,” advises Milazzo. “You need to set your own expectations of what you want to accomplish. Don’t let your career or life take a backseat to everyone else’s. Yes, you have responsibilities to others. But you’ve also got a responsibility to yourself.”
Do something big every day. You eat a whale the same way you eat an apple—one bite at a time. The wickedly successful understand that to accomplish any project you can’t expect to do it all at once.
“This is often why our New Year’s resolutions don’t work out,” notes Milazzo. “You say, ‘I am going to lose 20 pounds!’ And then you implement a new exercise regimen or heck, just start actually exercising—and after two days of no weight loss you get discouraged. You aren’t going to achieve your goals over night. You have to work at it every day. Commit to doing something big every day towards that project or goal and you’ll reach it. Keep working out regularly and slowly but surely you’ll see the results. Find something you can improve and start improving it—one bite, one step, one day at a time.”
Stop hanging with the biggest losers. When you choose to participate in negative behaviors they rub off on you. Think about it this way: If you’re struggling to achieve a goal, you shouldn’t hang out with someone else who is struggling to achieve that same goal. If you want to be great at golf, you don’t hang out with a bad golfer.
“Successful people tend to hang out with other successful people, not with losers who whine
when you’ve found it because you’ll feel amazingly engaged and energetic. Desire will become energy and you’ll have plenty of it to create your new life—your real life.”
Take care of yourself first. If you stepped back and looked at your daily routine objectively, as if it were happening to your best friend, what would be your advice? Slow down? Take a few deep breaths? Spend a few moments enjoying one day before another day crashes in with new demands?
“We need to give ourselves such loving advice—and listen to it,” advises Milazzo. “We need to thrive, not just survive. To have healthy, exciting and fulfilling relationships with others, we must first have a healthy, exciting and fulfilling relationship with ourselves. Don’t be so busy taking care of others that you forget to take care of yourself. You can’t be your best self if you’re not your own self.”
“There’s no reason why 2013 can’t be your biggest, boldest, most wickedly successful year yet,” says Milazzo. “But for that to happen you have to match your big goals with some real changes. You have to take on a wickedly successful mindset that doesn’t take ‘no’ or ‘I can’t’ or ‘I’m too tired’ for an answer.”
About the Author:
Vickie Milazzo, RN, MSN, JD, is author of the New York Times bestseller Wicked Success Is Inside Every Woman (Wiley, 2011, ISBN: 978-1-1181-0052-3, $21.95, WickedSuccess.com). From a shotgun house in New Orleans to owner of a $16-million business, Wall Street Journal best-selling author Milazzo shares the innovative suc¬cess strategies that earned her a place on the Inc. list of Top 10 Entrepreneurs and Inc. Top 5000 Fastest-Growing Companies in America.
Vickie is the owner of Vickie Milazzo Institute, an education company she founded in 1982. Featured in the New York Times as the pioneer of a new profession, she built a professional association of 5,000 members – Vickie has been featured or profiled in numerous publications, including the New York Times, Entrepreneur, Houston Chronicle, Ladies’ Home Journal, Texas Bar Journal, Los Angeles Times, Philadelphia Inquirer, and in more than 220 newspapers. Vickie has appeared on national radio and TV, including the National Public Radio program This I Believe and more than 200 national and local radio stations.
She is the author of the Wall Street Journal bestseller Inside Every Woman: Using the 10 Strengths You Didn’t Know You Had to Get the Career and Life You Want Now. Vickie is recognized as a trusted mentor and dynamic role model by tens of thousands of women, a distinction that led to her national recognition as the Stevie® Awards’ Mentor of the Year.
Vickie was recognized as the Most Innovative Small Business by Pitney Bowes’s® Priority magazine and received Susan G. Komen’s Hope Award for Ambassadorship. Author, educator, and nationally acclaimed speaker, this multimillionaire entrepreneur shares her vast experience with thousands of women.